SEX AND COLOURS

Do you always think of ways to spice up your relationship? especially when it comes to your sex life? it can get a little boring having sex the same way same place and same techniques, it wont take long before your partner begin to refuse your sexual advances married or not. 

Have you tried discovering what excites your partner? some people like surprise sex something that is not planned, be it a quickie before heading to the office or a lunch break sex it doesn't matter all they need is the surprise.

 while some people it depends on the kind of mood they are in before they consider having sex, when it comes to this you can bring up the spice to change their mood and that's why i am discussing colors today.

.   RED is the color of sex and lust and is often called the most romantic of colors. It is no accident that red is the chosen symbolic color for the Valentine’s Day. 

 Still you must not wait until it valentine to bring in the red, buy her a lingerie in red ask her to size it while you watch, things could get heated from there...... *winks*

• Pinks have an interesting quality that seems to halt the body’s ability to stay angry.
• PURPLE is another color which is definitively romantic because of its passionate, unpredictable and quixotic characteristics.
• Paler , less intense tones of ORANGE such as apricot and peach are often included in the romantic palette, suggesting purity and innocence.
• BLUES in the romantic palette will be cool and inspired by water.       

So, be you a man you know how to get your partner to the mood you want and for the ladies you know what colors to put on to spice your bedroom time with your man.

Give it a try and see how exciting things turn.

see ya later............ kisses kisses 

WOMEN -->> PAINFUL SEX

Sometimes your woman might be experiencing something within herself that has never happend before and you will end up concluding that she is giving you excuses not to have sex.
All you need is pay closer attention and help in whatever way you can, women are not just sex objects, they are to be cared for and respected and that why I want to talk about painful intercourse.
Over 60% of African women experience painful intercourse.

Intercourse pain, or dyspareunia, can cause problems in a couple's sexual relationship. In addition to the physically painful sex, there is also the possibility of negative emotional effects, so the problem should be addressed as soon as it becomes evident.

What causes painful sex?
In many cases, a woman can experience painful sex if there is not sufficient vaginal lubrication. When this occurs, the pain can be resolved if the female becomes more relaxed, if the amount of foreplay is increased, or if the couple uses a sexual lubricant. In some cases, a woman can experience painful intercourse if one of the following conditions is present:

1.Vaginismus.
This is a common condition in which there is a spasm in the vaginal muscles, mainly caused by the fear of being hurt. Vaginal infections. These conditions are common and include yeast infections. Problems with the cervix (opening to the uterus). In this case, the penis can reach the cervix at maximum penetration, so problems with the cervix (such as infections) can cause pain during deep penetration. Problems with the uterus. These problems may include fibroids that can cause deep intercourse pain. Endometriosis. A condition in which the endometrium (tissue lining the uterus) grows outside the uterus. Problems with the ovaries. Such problems might include cysts on the ovaries. Pelvic inflammatory disease. The tissues deep inside become badly inflamed and the pressure of intercourse causes deep pain. Ectopic pregnancy. A pregnancy in which a fertilized egg develops outside of the uterus. Menopause. The vaginal lining can lose its normal moisture and become dry. Intercourse too soon after surgery or childbirth. Sexually transmitted diseases. These may include genital warts, herpes sores, or other STDs. Injury to the vulva or vagina. These injuries may include a tear from childbirth or from a cut (episiotomy) in the perenium (area of skin between the vagina and the anus) that is made during labor.

How Can Painful Sex In Women Be Treated?
Some treatments for painful sex in women do not require medical intervention. For example, in the case of painful sex after pregnancy, wait at least six weeks after childbirth before attempting intercourse. Make sure to practice gentleness and patience. In cases in which there is vaginal dryness or a lack of lubrication, try water-based lubricants. Some treatments for female sexual pain do require a doctor's care. If vaginal dryness is due to menopause, ask a health care professional about estrogen creams or other prescription medications. Other causes of painful intercourse also may require prescription drugs. For cases of sexual pain in which there is no underlying medical cause, sexual therapy might be helpful. Some individuals may need to resolve issues such as guilt, inner conflicts regarding sex, or feelings regarding a past abuse. Call a doctor if there are symptoms such as bleeding, genital lesions, irregular periods, vaginal discharge, or involuntary vaginal muscle contractions and ask for a referral to a certified sex counselor if there are other concerns that need to be addressed.

Boring-Sex-Life and Relationships

Real-life sex can almost never measure up to the passion portrayed on the screen, sex therapist Isadora Alman says. "People don't talk about the fact that it's likely that in an odd position you'll pass gas or the love of your life will take you in his arms and have bad breath." funny right?

Sex in the real world isn't perfect, and it doesn't always end with an earth-shattering climax -- but it doesn't have to. Good sex doesn't necessarily have to be about an orgasm. It can just be an emotionally fulfilling experience between partners.

Even when everything else in the relationship is working, sexual styles aren't always compatible. You like long foreplay sessions. Your partner is ready to go in an instant. You long for wet, sensual kisses. He prefers dry, chaste pecks. "Sex is not just naturally perfect".
There is the energy of a new relationship that is positive -- the excitement and the eagerness and the passion,and the negative is that you bump noses or knees because you just haven't learned how to dance together yet." But even long-term couples can struggle in the bedroom.
Though we can easily tell our partner what shirt we'd like him to wear, or what we'd like to cook together for dinner, we tend to get tongue-tied when it comes to the topic of sex. "People tend to be very sensitive when it comes to talking about sex," They're afraid of hurting their partner's feelings, so they don't tell them what they like or don't like. But you're not going to get it unless you ask for it.

So how do you tell your partner what you want without bruising his or her ego?  use statements like--> "'I would love it if we...' or, 'Could we try this?'
You don't want to make them feel bad about what they've done or haven't done." You can have the conversation whenever and wherever it's most comfortable for you. But before you talk, you need to know exactly what it is about your sex life that bothers you. Is it a question of technique? Personal hygiene? Timing? "Once you know what isn't working for you,"  there are things you can suggest that can mitigate those circumstances." For example, if something about your partner's smell is turning you off, suggest taking a bath together before making love. If you crave more foreplay, ask for slower foreplay into sex. Before you can tell your partner what you want him or her to do in bed, you need to know what you like. "I think especially for women, they've got to explore their own bodies,"  You have to masturbate. Get a vibrator. Get some books. Teach yourself how to orgasm." Know what you want!
"
Experiment Together
"Learn to get to know each other's bodies." Try some sex aids. Read books with pictures (such as The Joy of Sex), or watch an educational video together, Not porn, but explicit videos in which a voice-over explains what's happening in the scenes. Sometimes, the problem is a physical one, such as premature ejaculation. Or it may be that the stress from your job is bleeding over into the bedroom and disrupting your sex life. In those cases it can help to see a sex therapist, and then try to remedy that." If you're still unsatisfied, is it ever OK to fake it in bed? "If you're faking it, you're doing yourself a disservice because you're not learning what really turns you on," Sussman says. "I think eventually, it takes a toll. Your partner's going to realize that you're disconnected."

Can sex ever be bad enough to consider ending a relationship over?
Possibly You might really love somebody and the sex is never going to be better than OK. You have to decide whether you can live with that? 
Whenever you're considering a breakup or divorce, you need to weigh every element of the relationship and not just the sex. Remember "You can't have everything in life,"  "If you have a wonderful relationship and you love each other and you have kids but the sex isn't great, maybe you can live with that."
  Every couple has the potential to have good sex if you’re willing to put a little effort into it. "If you're two emotionally and physically healthy people, you should be able to work with what you've got. Not everybody needs to be hanging off the chandelier,you can get better. But you have to practice, and you have to be open to discussing it and getting help when you need it.
I hope this article did help? Am always here to talk to......
#Neemah

FOOD AND SEX

If you want to put some sizzle back into your sex life, food can help you set the mood. There’s nothing better than a romantic, home-cooked dinner, featuring some R-rated foods to help turn up the heat. “There’s a growing body of evidence that some of the vitamins and components in foods can enhance sexual function and sexual experience,”

AVOCADO
The Aztecs referred to avocados as, ahem, testicles, because of their physical shape. But the scientific reason why avocados make sense as an aphrodisiac is that they are rich in unsaturated fats and low in saturated fat, making them good for your heart and your arteries. Anything that keeps the heart beating strong helps keep blood flowing to all the right places; in fact, men with underlying heart disease are twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED).

STRAWBERRIES
The color red is known to help stoke the fire: A 2008 study found that men find women sexier if they’re wearing red, as opposed to cool colors such as blue or green. Strawberries are also an excellent source of folic acid, a B vitamin that helps ward off birth defects in women and, according to a University of California, Berkley study, may be tied to high sperm counts in men. This Valentine’s Day, try making dark-chocolate-dipped strawberries. And while we’re on the subject, there’s a reason we give chocolate on Valentine’s Day: It’s full of libido-boosting methylxanthines.

SEAFOOD
Despite their slippery and slimy texture, oysters may be the most well-known aphrodisiac. They’re also one of the best sources of libido-boosting zinc. But other types of seafood can also act as aphrodisiacs. Oily fish—like wild salmon and herring—contain , which are essential for a healthy heart

CITRUS
Any member of this tropical fruit family is super-rich in antioxidants, vitamin C, and folic acid—all of which are essential for men’s reproductive health. Enjoy a romantic salad that incorporates citrus, like pink grapefruit or mandarin oranges, or use a dressing made with lemon and lime.

Sex and Self-Esteem

Sex and the idea of someone finding you sexually attractive can be a huge factor in one's self-esteem.

So it's understandable that dating someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction can pose some concern. For me, personally, being found sexually attractive is a big part of my self-esteem (whether that's good or bad.) So how do you reconcile that? I guess you just have to hope that your partner's feelings of love and attraction (sensual, emotional etc.) will be enough to "make up the difference" so to speak. Maybe it will be all for good, and you can separate feeling desired from your self-esteem and learn to not need to feel desired in that way. Wow that sounds depressing but I don't mean it that way. I guess I'm lucky in comparison to other partners of aces I've heard about. My partner doesn't have an aversion to sex, is able to have orgasms and enjoys having it with me. Yet, getting shut down (which will always happen in any relationship) still hurts. It hurts even more considering that getting shut down isn't a matter of your partner not being in the mood, they just don't want it at all. What I feel you need to do is learn how to have sex with an ace, I read that article on this page but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. The reason for this being that it is filled with extreme language and comes across as insulting and insinuating that one simply slip in communication can lead to traumatizing rape that will haunt your partner and give them nightmares for years to come. Okay... Rather than reading some article clearing written by someone who has an ax to grind, have a frank and understanding conversation with your partner and don't make it seem like a) you're insinuating that something is wrong with them or b) like this is some ultimatum. I'm just going to stop rambling and leave with one little bit of advice that I picked up on the ace board: Lots of aces use the "back rub" or massage metaphor when they describe their feelings towards sex. This is perfect because it makes it easier to talk about. If you don't know this metaphor, go ask the ace board. Ask your partner how they feel about it using the back rub metaphor. I guess a common response would be "I like them, but I don't crave them, so I don't ask for them or seek them out." Now if they expect you to understand and accept that, then they should understand your differing views and emotions concerning these back rubs. You could say something like "Hey, I know you feel different, but I love back rubs and I do crave them. more importantly though is that I want you to want to give me back rubs. Imagine if you were dating someone who gave amazing back rubs but didn't enjoy doing it. If you had to ask them to do it every single time and they never spontaneously gave you one or offered to give you one, wouldn't you feel like they don't want to? But more than that, wouldn't you eventually just stop trying? I mean, it's obvious that back rubs take a toll on them physically and they get nothing out of it, wouldn't it feel like you're forcing them to do it? No one wants to feel like that.

Having Sex on the first date??

Having sex on the first date is like reading the back page of a book before you’ve even started it

The question of sex on the first date is all too often discussed in completely mad terms of female power, like it’s a woman holding some sort of carrot in front of a rampant donkey. That’s obviously not what initially abstaining from sex should be about at all. I am sure you’re well aware that the woman you’re on a date with will want to jump your bones just as much as you want to jump hers. Waiting a few dates before sex is just a good mutual decision to make if you’re both keen to string the thing out. Because the general rule is, the quicker you have sex, the quicker you raise the question of what “you are” and the quicker it’s all over.

Sex takes you to a place of comfort, of knowing someone really well. There’s something fundamentally coupley about having sex. Doing it too soon is a passion-quasher and a relationship accelerator. And why would you want to rush those first stages? When you think about it, the only thing sexier than having sex with someone is not having sex with them. Nothing fills you with lust like getting in a cab home after a spectacular date and lying awake all night because you can’t stop thinking about them.

Plus there’s all the kissing, Kissing will never be as important in a relationship than it is on those first few sex-less dates. Enjoy the electric, adolescent sexiness of just snogging for hours on end -- of pushing someone against a wall and running your fingers through their hair and kissing and kissing and kissing until your lips are chapped. Kissing will never be the main event ever again. If you’re still with that person in five years time, kissing will become nothing more than a signpost that that person wants to have sex with you that night even though you can’t really be bothered and you’ve just put some toast in and you don’t want it to burn and also Jonathan Creek is on and apparently this time someone dies but also there’s some sort of twist.

All the above said, it’s totally your judgement call. I know a couple of rare examples where great love has bloomed out of first date sex. And, hey. We are all grown ups. And being a grown up is hard, man. We need some perks. It is our god-given right to both party and have sex on the first date or indeed whenever we want to. Just be aware you run the risk of killing something before it’s even started.

Sex Scandal of Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of the Coza Church

When we go to our various holy houses for spiritual fulfilment and ordained men of God help pass message we cant help but question the kind of life they live behind the pulpit.
Here is a confession from Ese walter, just another sex scandal from another female against Senior Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of the Coza church Abuja.
Ese Walter: I want to talk about something I have kept bottled up inside for longer than necessary. I have also decided to use real names, as my defense for any accusation of slander is justification. I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. However, feel free to throw your doubt around but know that I am past the shaming game (where victims of abuse are shot down by blame) I am no longer a victim but a survivor who is sharing her experience to help others caught in same web of abuse, guilt and shame. We only get to live once right? So here, it goes.

I recently came to know this event too was abuse (recently here means about 6 months ago). It has literally been eating me up having to drive by another billboard advertising preachers, or hearing his name, or even trying to ask about the validity of the entire salvation story and whether or not there is a God that truly watches over his people. That being said, I’m just going to say it as it is. This is a recap of my affair with Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA (Common Wealth Of Zion Assembly) Abuja chapter. This affair I have come to know as a form of abuse as you would see the different elements of abuse very present.

I met Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo many years ago. I was getting bored of the church I was attending and someone suggested COZA. At the time, I had never heard about it. My friend said, go there, I’m sure you would enjoy the word. But he also gave me a strong warning. He said he would advice that I remain a member only and not join the workforce. I agreed. The first time I attended COZA, I felt it was my church and decided I was going to plant my ass there. About eleven months had gone by and I was still attending the services quietly and faithfully. I really did like the church. One day a worker in the church approached me that the senior pastor wanted to see me.

Me? I thought. Why would the senior pastor want to see me? Not the second man but the head nigga in charge? Ok na! I started to think my sin was oozing so bad the pastor could tell I needed Jesus. (Poor old me.) I saw him at the end of the second service (they had two services at the time) and he said to me that he would like me to work with him. I knew I had no intentions of becoming a pastor so I had to ask in what capacity. He said he’d like for me to join a department, preferably the Pastoral Care Unit (PCU).

A few weeks later, against my friend’s advice not to join the workforce, I was a PCU member. All of a sudden, I had some status in church. I was ‘somebody.’ Dress had to be on point, hair, shoes and what not… As workers, we were literally trying to outshine each other or so it seemed. Anyways, I felt like I was a privileged member of an elite circle. Hehehe. (It did feel good though, for the most part.)

About a year after joining the workforce, I was on my way to London for a Masters degree program that would last two years. As was the rule for workers travelling, I wrote to say I would be away for 2 years and Pastor Biodun Fotoyinbo asked that I keep in touch by sending him my number and email when I had settled in London so he “makes sure I continue in the faith” because according to him, people loose their faith when they leave home and he wanted to make sure I didn’t. So, on that note, as soon as I got a phone line in London, I was sure to call ‘my pastor’ to say I arrived safe, had settled in and also gave my phone number.

We had spoken a few times especially when COZA started to stream online. I always watched and would give feedback on quality of production and share a little bit on the challenges I faced settling in a new land. One evening, Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo called me that he was coming to London and needed me to help him make some hotel bookings as the person who was meant to do it couldn’t get it done (this was rather strange as I had never been involved in his travel itinerary). Later that day, he said it had been sorted and my help would not be required but that he would like me to arrange a cab to pick him up from Heathrow. I was happy to help my pastor from Nigeria and even saw it as a privilege. (I would later come to learn that all of this was a calculated attempt to hatch a plan that I suspect was set in motion when I was asked to join the workforce.)

The cab guy was there to get him the next day and when he arrived, he called to ask why I didn’t accompany the cab to pick him up (again, this was strange but I stopped my mind from overanalyzing the situation as I knew I had no business with his visit to London). About two hours later, he called me and said he would like to see me. When I arrived his hotel, I called from the reception but he asked that I come upstairs. I got to the room and tried to stop my mind from thinking why I was going to his room. As he opened the door and invited me in, I had to speak to my heart to stop its palpitations. My better judgment asked me not to go into the room but the kind of reverence I had for Pasotr Biodun Fatoyinbo bordered on fear and I steeped into that room.

“Care for a drink?” Asked Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo. “No sir,” I said. “You don’t have to be shy Ese, even if it’s alcohol, feel free and order what you want.” I wasn’t sure I heard my pastor asking me to order alcohol. I imagined it was a test and ignored the voice inside that was saying, “I’d have henny and coke please.” He proceeded to ask how I had been coping in London and if I was a committed member of any church. He also said he thought there was something special about me and wanted to know that I had not strayed from my faith. I really thought he had heard I was doing something I shouldn’t while in London but tried my best to focus on the conversation instead of my straying thoughts. He kept telling me to relax and feel comfortable with talking to him. After a few minutes, he asked that we go to the roof of the hotel as his room was a pent suite and had a connecting door to the roof.

While there, he sat on a reclining chair and asked me to come sit on his laps. This was a bit awkward for me and I froze for a moment as I asked why. He said he had told me to feel free with him and loosen up. I found myself strolling to sit on his laps. At that moment, I felt like a little girl who was experiencing something her mind couldn’t fathom. He asked me to kiss him and all I could think about was seeing him preach on the pulpit back in COZA Abuja, Nigeria, which was my home church. He again said ‘feel free Ese.’ And asked again, that I kiss him.

A few hours later, let’s just say, we were rolling under the sheets. It felt as though my mind had paused. I am not saying I was jazzed, (although it’s possible I was in some trancelike state and didn’t know it but I just was so afraid that I couldn’t say or think otherwise.)

That was the beginning of this affair. A sexual affair that went on for a little over a week, DAILY!

I can hear somebody’s mind thinking, ‘well, you weren’t raped.” And I remember a pastor I opened up to when I couldn’t take all the mind games asking if I seduced him. No, I didn’t seduce him and no, I wasn’t raped but I felt trapped in this affair. Come to think of it, how could I have seduced him when I wanted nothing from him? I mean, I was too busy minding my business in London trying to get through with my masters program and I was overly comfortable. And even if I wanted to seduce anyone, it wouldn’t be a married man, not to mention a married pastor.

What I couldn’t reconcile the whole time, was how the same person who preached against the very things we were doing (i.e drinking in pubs, fornicating, committing adultery) was the same person endorsing and encouraging it.

At some point, I got really confused about what Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo and I were doing that I had to ask how he handles it. I will never forget what he said to me. He said and I quote, “I will teach you a level of grace that you don’t understand.” My mind couldn’t fathom that somehow grace was enough covering for not just fornication on my path, adultery on his path and the many lies that was bound to follow what we were doing that was clearly abominable. I somehow dealt with the thoughts and fears that followed on my path. He had said to me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend and he would take me around the world and spoil me with money and things. Somehow, money had never been one of the things that motivated me (I am from a home where all my needs have been adequately met) In all my ‘badness’ through finding myself, I never did things I did for money but more of rebellion against rules and authority.

Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo also said to me that he had a dream where I exposed what was happening to the media. He said it was all over the place and that people were calling me the girl that caused chaos in COZA. He also said I should remember the bible said to “touch not God’s anointed.” I immediately started to rebuke the devil and said I could never do anything like that. I was almost swearing with my entire family as I thought really I had touched God’s anointed by submitting my body to be used. Little did I know at the time that all of these were ways to mess with my mind and even manipulate my thoughts.

Fast-forward a few months later, I was back in Nigeria and my church had become uncomfortable. Anytime I sat in church and listened to Pastor Biodun preach, I felt shame. I finally sent him a message saying I wasn’t comfortable anymore. I was confused and needed to talk about what had happened. He said I should meet him to talk and I did. It was a really weird meeting for me especially when he tried to kiss me at our meeting. I finally realized at this point that he couldn’t help me. I thought God was angry with me and I couldn’t pray so I decided to withdraw completely from COZA. This was the beginning of my mental torture. I couldn’t talk to my family because already, I was the only one attending a different church and somehow my mom never liked the idea. As the days went by I tried to use drinking and smoking to cover up the deep shame and guilt I was battling with. But as soon as the high was over, the thoughts came back and I felt stuck like I couldn’t move forward.

I felt I had to talk to someone and I decided to speak to my then good friend, Ernest Akale but unfortunately for me, Mr. Ernest did not have the capacity to hold what I said to him. He broke down completely the days that followed and I found myself having to pause how I was feeling and what I was struggling with to help my friend be strong. After a while, he withdrew from not just me but his then fiancé and friends. I had to then tell the fiancé what had caused it (she suspected we were having an affair so I had to clear the air) To my surprise she was a lot stronger than her man and told me to suck it up (I’m paraphrasing). She said if she were me, she wouldn’t leave the church but stay to torment Pastor Biodun and collect money from him. Ok! That sounded extreme for me, as my intention was not to blackmail but to heal my broken self. Anyways, I finally found the courage to speak to my then unit head who said he was going to talk to Pastor Biodun but didn’t have the liver to do so. Before long, the story was spreading and naturally getting twisted.

I went to a new church and it seemed like the COZA bug had chased me there. The pastor would always refer to COZA as some example and each time that was done, it seemed like a spear was thrust through my chest. One day, I broke down in the service and started crying uncontrollably, as I couldn’t take another mention of COZA and the pictures it painted in my head.

Very long, boring story cut short, for the last 5 months I gave the whole church thing a big space and break. I wasn’t sure I believed in God. I wasn’t sure I understood what it meant when people said ‘Jesus saves” and I definitely wasn’t sure how to deal with the mental torture that was affecting not just me but my relationships with family and friends. I was very unstable, fearful and worst of all guilty. I got a chance to talk to Pastor Folarin of COZA Lagos Chapter, popularly called Pastor flo about everything. I made an effort to reach out to him because I realized the right thing to do was talk to an elder in the church and seek some sort of remedy to a wrong I believed had been done me. Instead, Pastor Flo said, Pastor Biodun had confessed to him and they had ‘talked’ about it and somehow that was supposed to be Ok. He asked what it was I wanted coming to talk to him about it when I did, I told him I realized what happened between Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo and I was wrong and not just that I felt abused and manipulated.

I also said I thought it was wrong for Pastor Biodun to go on preaching without taking time to deal with his personal character flaws. I said I thought he was danger to all the young women that attended the church. Come to think of it, maybe he meant if I wanted something monetary or material (as someone had suggested when I opened up to her) but the truth is, I never wanted his money (or is it the church member’s money.) All I wanted was to meet with him and have him accept that he misled me, betrayed his wife and the church he pastors. I wasn’t the only lady in COZA who had been a victim of his sexcapades and manipulative patterns but I was the one who could come back after months of struggle with not just my faith but also my affair with him. And I wanted to set things right. I wanted to talk to Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo maybe for closure and I felt like I needed an apology because he played the “touch not my anointed” card to keep me locked in guilt, shame and fear when all along it was a calculated plan and I dare say, it started when he asked me to join the workforce.

Not to mention the audacity to talk about teaching me a level of grace I didn’t understand. I had no intention of understanding a grace that would permit me to go on doing things that were wrong and what’s worse having to carry the burden for almost a year.

Different surprising advises came up in the weeks that followed the rumour making rounds. I was told to hush because Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo had been a cultist in the past and could send people to shut me up. All my so-called friends in COZA withdrew from me and treated me like I had the plague. What was worse was Pastor Flo finally saw my then pastor to ‘talk’ about what had happened with Pastor Biodun and lied that it happened once and was a mistake. My question then became, ‘do these people even care how broken I had become?’ ’do they care about the emotional and spiritual welfare of the people they were pastoring?’ The sad answer was NO. Most of us old members of COZA kept leaving but they couldn’t care less. What was important was to keep growing the church and having more and more cars with stickers that read “More than enough.” Back then, I always felt horrible when I saw another car drive past me with the sticker. I was breaking, I was struggling but no one could help. All they could do was ask me to hide so Pastor Biodun’s goons don’t hurt me. And then the interesting one was if I had evidence to prove my claim. Let me just say here that, it isn’t a claim, it’s a confession to free me from all of the guilt and shame I have had to live with for no reason at all. (That being said, I have evidence to prove all I have said here, the latest being a 58 minutes recording of my meeting with Pastor Flo a few months back)

This is my confession and I cannot begin to describe how much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders just pouring the truth out about what went down. So, to all my ex COZA friends gossiping about me, get your facts right. To those who said they’d help me deal with the pain but didn’t, I forgive you, I have learnt how to deal with it and I am doing just fine. To those who fear for my safety saying Pastor Biodun would send people to shut me up, I really have gone past fearing for my life. To live is gain and to die is Christ (or how does Paul say it again?) And to the only person who ever supported me through it all, thank you, I am learning to be brave. Please don’t think I am perfect in all of this but in line with living my authentic life and putting all forms of abuse behind me, this is where I press the stop button and stop the bleeding. This is where I break the silence and call the church to stand up for what it has been commissioned to do. If you will not enter the Kingdom, please don’t stop others who are trying to enter.

I still remember when I used to nurse the idea of digging up emails, text messages, hotel billings (as once I used my card to pay for his room when his master card failed to work) to prove there was an affair. It was pathetic. Why for the love of heaven was I trying to dig up evidence? I am satisfied setting the record straight. I am ready for any shaming or bashing that would follow because the truth is, because of what I have suffered and come through, I am really not moved by what people say or think about me anymore. I am a stronger woman and a damn abuse survivor seeking to connect with other victims of abuse to show them how to deal with the shame, hurt and guilt and how to come out stronger. Turning their mess into their message.

I am Ese Walter and I have gone through all forms of abuse from family, boyfriends, my ex pastor and some strangers not to break me, but so I stand and so I qualify to help victims. My scars have qualified me and when all is said and done, I will still be standing.

A.B.C of Anal Sex

Anal sex or anal intercourse is the insertion and thrusting of the erect penis into a person's anus, or anus and rectum, for sexual pleasure Other forms of anal sex include fingering, use of sex toys to penetrate the anus/rectum, anilingus, and pegging. Sources sometimes use the term anal intercourse to refer exclusively to penile-anal penetration, and anal sex to refer to any form of anal sexual activity (especially between two or more people, as opposed to masturbation).

Often, strong views are expressed with regard to anal sex; it is controversial in various cultures, especially with regard to religion, commonly due to prohibitions against anal sex among gay men or teachings about the procreative purpose of sexual activity.  It may be regarded as taboo or unnatural, and is a criminal offense in some countries, punishable by corporal or capital punishment; by contrast, people also commonly regard anal sex as a natural and valid form of sexual activity that may be as equally fulfilling as any other desired sexual expression. They may regard it as an enhancing element of their sex lives or as their primary form of sexual activity.
As with most forms of sexual activity, anal sex participants risk contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs/STDs). [15][16]

Anal sex is considered a high-risk sexual practice because of the vulnerability of the anus and rectum. The anal and rectal tissues are delicate and do not provide natural lubrication, so they can easily tear and permit disease transmission, especially if lubricant is not used. Anal sex without protection of a condom is considered the riskiest form of sexual activity,  and therefore health authorities such as the World Health Organization (WHO) recommend safe sex practices for anal sex.